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Bill Heavey
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If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat: Misadventures in Hunting, Fishing, and the Wilds of Suburbia Paperback – October 1, 2008

by Bill Heavey (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 587 ratings
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Whether he is accidentally cooking his brain with hand warmers or yanking his lure away from a trophy fish just before it takes the bait, Bill Heavey can do no right. For almost a decade, he has chronicled his incompetence on the back page of Field & Stream, where his hilarious dispatches about life as a hapless outdoorsman who lives in suburbia have earned him legions of fans. But Heavey is more than a humorist. The stories in this book range from amusing tales of a modern dad struggling to navigate the finer points of parenting and married life to longer and more serious narratives that involve travel, adventure, and tragedy. No matter what he’s writing about, Heavey is a master of blending humor and pathos—and wide-ranging outdoor enthusiasms—into a poignant and potent stew.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    304 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Grove Press
  4. Publication date
    October 1, 2008
  5. Dimensions
    5.5 x 1 x 8 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0802143954
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0802143952
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Bill Heavey is my favorite writer. When I die, I want him to gut me, stuff me and deliver my eulogy for one good last laugh.”—Ted Nugent

“Bill Heavey’s writing is funny, moving acerbic and, best of all, always alert to the absurdities of life. This is a book that will be read and reread for years and probably for generations.”—Patrick F. McManus, author of Kerplunk!

“Heavey’s writing is at times so honest, so soul-baring, that he makes you feel downright uncomfortable for peeking into his life or the lives of his subjects, despite being invited. . . . He conveys his foibles and follies with a wit to which most of us can relate.”—Billings Gazette (Montana)

“[Heavey’s stories] will leave you snickering, snorting, belly laughing, and succumbing to uncontrolled outbursts. Mixed in there, I will warn you, are a few stories that might leave you heading for the back room so nobody will notice the tear in your eye.”—Maine Hunting Today

"The art of the story, a casualty of the era of Internet fixation, is a thing of beauty in Bill Heavy's voice. His best 62 yarns with Field & Stream are published in this collection, including "Rut Strategies For the Married Hunter," "Death and Fishing" and "The Art of Lying." One theme that runs through the yarns is the difficulty faced by a suburban outdoorsman who wants to fish and hunt. These make for great out-loud bedtime reads for kids."—Tom Stienstra, San Francisco Chronicle

“Bill Heavey works his hunting and fishing schedule around the duties of a modern dad: mowing the lawn; paying the bills; and ferrying his daughter Emma to school, the dentist, play dates, and toy stores. In other words, he lives like most of us, and perhaps that is why his pieces are so resonant. For him, being at large in the woods for even a few hours is a spiritual journey, and the fact that the enterprise is doomed to failure more often than not is almost incidental. While he may not be in the accelerated class, skills-wise, Heavey has the heart of a true hunter. I urge you to buy this book.”—David E. Petzal, Field & Stream columnist and author of The Complete Book of Hunting

“Oh, Bill Heavey, you’ve gone and done it now! Just when I thought all the outdoor writers who could bring the feel of the woods to the printed page had all gone to their reward—guys like Ruark, Hemingway, and Babcock—you come along and prove me wrong. Heavey has an incredible talent for taking the stuff of everyday life—the frustrations and snippets of conversation and days when you don’t catch a fish or see a deer—and throwing it all back at us with a slant that somehow brings us hope, reassures us we’re not alone, and actually makes us grin. He does all of this because he was born to do it. I think God put him here to show us that what seems like just another day is actually a miracle, a once-in-a-lifetime event that we ought to be grateful for even as it slips through our hands.”—Will Primos, founder and president of Primos Hunting Calls

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Grove Press; Reprint edition (October 1, 2008)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0802143954
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0802143952
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 10 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 1 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 587 ratings

About the author

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Bill Heavey

Bill Heavey

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Bill Heavey was born in Birmingham, Alabama, so that his mother would not have to endure the shame of having had a Yankee child. The first article he ever published as about teaching children to write poetry. This was probably the high point of his career. He descended into travel writing, profiles and finally into first person narrative.

He is an editor-at-large for Field & Stream, is still not exactly sure what that means, but figures it's better than an editor-behind-bars. He also writes the back page column, "A Sportsman's Life."

Bill is the author of "If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat?", a collection of his Field & Stream work, and "It's Only Slow Food Until You Try to Eat It: Misadventures of a Suburban Hunter-Gatherer." In which he attempts to close the distance between himself and what he eats, earning many valuable - and usually accidental, also hilarious -- lessons along the way.

("Edible," for example, is very different from "tasty." Also it's harder to kill a squirrel with a hoe than you'd think).

His newest book is "You're Not Lost If You Can Still See the Truck: The Further Adventures of America's Everyman Outdoorsman." This collection spans Bill's career, from early musings about taking dancing lessons and why men hate shopping, and through the years chronicled within tracks his evolution both as a hunter and a father.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
587 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Dawie Thompson
5.0 out of 5 stars Humorous Heaven
Reviewed in the United States on October 12, 2022
Verified Purchase
Loved the humor. A terrific writer. Despite my poor knowledge of hunting and fishing and my lack of appreciation of the many nuances of this devilish pastime, I thoroughly enjoyed most of the stories. The introductions to the short stories were, more often than not, hilarious. His Astute observations of human behavior especially in the management of relationships are handled subtly and sensitively and yet, with rip roaring humor providing many belly-laughs along the way. Examples of this are the deceits and lies of the hunter and fishermen alike, the relationship with his wife and the tenderness with which he describes his father and their life-long relationship. A recommended read.
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars good product
Reviewed in the United States on April 22, 2024
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enjoyed the book
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William A King
4.0 out of 5 stars A Bag Limit of Laughs
Reviewed in the United States on December 16, 2011
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Very nicely done. This is an easy and fun book to read. I enjoyed the nice balance of short, humorous snap shots of the outdoor sporting life mixed with longer and more fleshed out stories. Being a professional writer with long years of experience behind him, you just know Heavey labored over these stories, choosing just the right words or phrases or imagery to convey concise and vivid vignettes. Yet his yarns come across so natural and spontaneous sounding that you can easily imagine sitting in on a bull session by the fire while they are being spun out. And in my view, that's why you get caught so off guard when Heavey blind sides you with one of his well-timed, hilarious punch lines. Time your sips of that good Scotch carefully so you don't spray a mouthful over dog and furniture.

What made the book even better for me was the sprinkling in of a handful of melancholy stories. Heavey reminds us that he lives in the same world as we do, with all its ups and downs and fair share of sad times. He deals with these verklempt-inducing interludes with the seriousness they deserve. Then he gets down to the business of putting the rest of life in perspective by essentially saying, "don't sweat the small stuff." With plenty enough things to get you down, take every opportunity to laugh at yourself (and sometimes at others) and realize that life can often be a fun ride.
One person found this helpful
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Peter M. Kilkenny
5.0 out of 5 stars ah, the joys of Bill Heavey
Reviewed in the United States on December 26, 2023
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The man is a storyteller. A gifted one at that. He has such enthusiasm for the subject while retaining a sense of comical humility for the things he gets wrong. For a casual outdoorsman such as myself, these are relatable tales of mundane failure mixed with the odd success that makes it all worthwhile. Blend in the comedic sensibility of the author and you've got a winner every time, to include the not-so-funny topics that periodically get addressed.
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Joy
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious
Reviewed in the United States on July 17, 2023
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I've loved what I've read so far, and I don't even like hunting and fishing. I highly recommend these stories to brighten up your day.
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Puzzlemaker
5.0 out of 5 stars Good Gift for Husband
Reviewed in the United States on September 14, 2023
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My husband really enjoyed the humor in this little book. At first, he was leery of it as he had read a later book the author had written that he did not care for. Once he started reading it, I would hear him laughing hard over and over. It was a hit. `
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Owen A. Borwn
4.0 out of 5 stars I enjoyed it
Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2013
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I thoroughly enjoyed this book. As an avid subscriber to field and stream I love this mans column. I enjoy his humor and his life lessons. His connections with his father, his Ex-wife, children, and the healing he found nature after one of the worst experiences a human being are all experiences that create a bigger picture of Bill Heavey as more then a humorist. yes Bill has a humorous way to looking at things most of the time. He writes of experiences that create a full picture of his life, allowing us into intimate parts of his life that complete his outdoor experiences. sometimes as a fellow outdoors man and specifically in one case a parent. He yanks on my heart strings combining my love of the outdoors and my love for my children in way i hope to never understand and brings a reader to their knees.

When I'm out in nature, either hunting, hiking, or fishing I enjoy the solitude of being by myself and more importantly i enjoy the interactions with my own mind. The chance i get to puzzle through events, talk to myself, and process information and experiences some of them years old. I appreciate the way this guys mind works and will definitely buy any more books he writes.
6 people found this helpful
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sean
5.0 out of 5 stars There were definitely some Field & Stream last page short and sweet one liners in here but they are sprinkled throughout ...
Reviewed in the United States on January 18, 2015
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This was a really entertaining book. I thought it would be mostly witty one page throw-away columns pulled directly from magazines that Mr. Heavey writes for. But the book was well edited and laid out. There were definitely some Field & Stream last page short and sweet one liners in here but they are sprinkled throughout the book with more well written articles on hunting and life in general. The book was surprisingly thoughtful and at moments, touching, while still being light-hearted and entertaining. I'm always looking for literature more on the "why" of hunting than the "how-to" and I found Mr. Heavey articulated the "why" so well with some of the stories in this book. I found I could relate a lot to Mr. Heavey - I can 100% be classified as a hunter (and almost everything else in life) as having more passion than skill. So I saw a lot of myself in the stories and was able to laugh along with Mr. Heavy's antics. This is a great book for anyone who enjoys the outdoors without taking themselves too seriously.
2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in Canada on December 15, 2015
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Great little book for the hunter in your life. My dad really enjoyed the short stories.
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Dale Filing
5.0 out of 5 stars At least somebody out there is worse than me
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 14, 2013
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I read this book and chuckle out loud, because I can't contain it within. I, like everybody else who reads this recognise myself in the protagonist and that is what writing a book is all about, but add in plain funny as well and you have a brilliant book to cherish.
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Dennis Trimble
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in Canada on March 27, 2015
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received, thanks.
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Ben Hicks
3.0 out of 5 stars HUNTING AND FISHING
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 31, 2012
Verified Purchase
More hunting than fishing; this collection of articles about the author's experiences is a bit alien to British audiences as it includes articles about bow hunting for example.Laced with American style journalistic humour it fell short of my idea of entertainment but would probably appeal to die hard hunters.
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Judi
4.0 out of 5 stars Just another collection of possibly true hunting tales ?
Reviewed in Canada on February 27, 2014
Verified Purchase
No, these are well-written, in a fairly classic style, and full of poking fun at the things one gets up to in the great outdoors. Another easy to pick up and read a bit, book, I do admit to being intrigued with the title (I wonder what it WAS ?) which gives a good idea of where this one leads. Not all of it is just bits of fluff, though.
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